My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
