you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
