Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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