bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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