How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
