I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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