do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
