i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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