Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I checked into jail on foursquare
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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