this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
