just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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