He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My ass is underappreciated
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
