I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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