I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
