I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
