That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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