So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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