Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
