just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
