We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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