did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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