btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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