I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
