Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
