How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
