in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize