I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
