it wasn't lemon gatorade
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
