Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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