John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
