my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
