I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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