FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
