so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
