You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
