dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
