WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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