I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
