"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
