the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
