is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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