Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
