He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
