You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
