at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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