she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
