There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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