how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
