I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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