I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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