There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
