You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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