are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
