I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
