I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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