I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
