i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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