considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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