Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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