I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
