she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
