Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
