Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
