thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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