Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
