I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
