I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
