I haven't been this sober since birth.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
