just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
