So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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