he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
