does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
