No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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