I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
