My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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