You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
