hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
