I can text with my tongue
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're like the curious george of whores
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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