It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
