Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
