winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
