okay pat passed out under dana's car
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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